why do people even talk to me literally all i reply with is omg
The other day, one of my closest friends told me,
“You should just stop thinking so much.”
And I wanted to say,
“I thought you would know by now
that my mind has no off switch.
It just keeps going, going, and going
until it self destructs.
I drown myself in words, music, and homework
because they are the only things that can’t judge me.”
I wanted to say,
“Did you know that I waste $2
every day to bus one block,
when I could easily just walk the distance?
Except there’s an overpass,
and when I think about walking past it,
I can’t breathe.
I have this fear that the wind
is going to blow me off of it
and onto the freeway below.
I know it’s irrational,
but that’s what anxiety is.
I like to compliment people
at least once a day when I go out in public.
It’s my challenge for the day.
I wanted to tell the barista that I liked her lipstick.
But do you know what I did for about 7 minutes before?
I thought, “Am I being creepy?
Will she think I’m trying to hit on her?
I really like your lipstick.
No, I really love your lipstick.
No wait, I love your lipstick.
No. That’s not right. I like your lipstick.”
I ended up going with the first one,
but I ran it through about 10 times in my mind
before I did it anyway.
When the other Starbucks barista gave me my drink,
I was so nervous about saying “thank you”
that I stuttered and I ended up saying “thank ou”
and I ended up being so embarrassed after,
even though he probably didn’t even notice.
This is what anxiety is.
Did you know that before I visit my friend’s high school,
I try on about 10 different outfits a week before?
And then I end up having a breakdown at the end of it all,
Because my anxiety tells me nothing looks good.
When I went to my friend’s sweet 16,
my anxiety automatically assumed
that since nobody told me I looked good
that I must look like shit.
I was only able to stay for 2 hours
and I spent all of them trying not to cry,
because I knew if I cried in public,
things would get 10 times worse.
The thing is, someone probably did compliment me.
But probably absolutely slipped my mind.
This is what anxiety is.
It makes me focus on the bad things.
It makes me forget the good things.
I tried to leave my best guy friend of 3 years
so many times because I was convinced
he was better off without me and that I was a burden.
I broke up with my boyfriend because
I was really paranoid and being really irrational.”
You do not choose anxiety.
It is never your fault.
We are not freaks.
The worst arguments we start are with ourselves.
Some of us have had anxiety for so long,
that we can’t even remember what it was like
to be healthy before it.
So don’t tell us to “just calm down”.
Don’t tell us to, “just stop it”.
Don’t tell us we’re “just overreacting”.
In our mind, anxiety is so real.
We have a warped perception of reality.
Remind us that we are not annoying you.
Try to understand us.
Remind us to breathe because sometimes we forget how.
When I get to my stop on the bus,
I shout to the driver,
“Thank you, have a nice day!”
And that is the bravest thing I will do for the day.
Sometimes leaving the house with no make up on
makes you feel vulnerable,
It’s making you invincible.
Every time you say “no, shut up”
to your anxiety,
you are reminding yourself
that you will not let anything
Your anxiety will never own you.
You are not your mental illness.
- 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
- 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
- 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
- 4) What do you think about most?
- 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
- 6) Do you have any strange phobias?
- 7) What's your religion?
- 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
- 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
- 10) What was the last lie you told?
- 11) Do you believe in karma?
- 12) What does your URL mean?
- 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
- 14) Who is your celebrity crush?
- 15) How do you vent your anger?
- 16) Do you have a collection of anything?
- 17) Are you happy with the person you've become?
- 18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
- 19) What's your biggest "what if"?
- 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
- 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
- 22) Smell the air. What do you smell?
- 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
- 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?
- 25) To you, what is the meaning of life?
- 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
- 27) What was the last movie you saw?
- 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
- 29) Do you have any obsessions right now?
- 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
- 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
- 32) What is your astrological sign?
- 33) What's the last thing you purchased?
- 34) Love or lust?
- 35) In a relationship?
- 36) How many relationships have you had?
- 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
- 38) Where is your best friend?
- 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
- 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
- 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
- 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
- 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
- 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
- 45) How can I win your heart?
- 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
- 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
- 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
- 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."
- 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
- 51) What is your current desktop picture?
- 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
- 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
- 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
- 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
- 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
- 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
- 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
- 59) Ever been on a plane?
- 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.
- Please do it!!